Passive Female Characters From a Passive Woman’s Perspective

I have a confession to make: I can be a bit of a doormat, a people pleaser, a pushover. In the effort to make others happy and/or lacking the backbone to speak my mind, I have a habit of letting others run right over my true wishes and thoughts without so much as a peep of objection. When people ask me, “What do you want to do,” even if I have a preference (which sometimes I just don’t), I smile politely and say, “Oh, whatever you want to do is fine with me.” Or worse, someone will ask me if I’ll do something and, while in my mind, I’m screaming my loathing of the idea, my feeble subconscious automatically moves my lips in the pattern its grown accustomed to and, before I have time to rally my thoughts, its formed the detested words, “Yes.” And with a smile plastered on my face, of course.

So, how is a feminist who’s a confessed doormat like myself supposed to feel when I see a classic doormat female character letting herself be dragged through the course of a story? To be honest, I have mixed feelings. Like everyone else, I like to see characters who I can relate to, even if that means they are not go-get-’em girls who have a healthy amount of backbone at the beginning of the story. While I admire and praise the female characters who get out there and take action, whether that action is starting her own business or taking back a kingdom, I often see more of myself reflected in those female characters who are too nice for their own good and who seem to be waiting for others to make something happen. That has made me hesitate to take the pen against certain characters despite seeing the problems with the messages those characters send.

Of course, just because a female character is passive doesn’t mean I automatically feel something like kinship to her; passive female characters pop up in fiction a fair amount, from classic princesses from fairy tales to modern action flicks and it’s something that I’ve complained about over and over and over and over and over—well, you get the point. But there are times when they strike a cord within me. For example, one famous character who I have a bit of a soft spot for, but who also has some very reasonable complaints lodged against her because of her doormat behavior is Tohru from Fruits Basket. Tohru is a classic doormat at the beginning of the series; always smiling and putting others before her, she is sweet to a fault and will do whatever others ask of her. She’d let herself be tricked and treated poorly if that somehow helps the other person or because she feels she must have deserved that treatment and she apologizes even when she’s done nothing wrong. As unrealistic as that sounds, there is a degree of her character that rings true to me, especially as the series goes on.

The problem lays in the fact that these types of passive heroines reinforce old notions about gender roles and relationships that just aren’t healthy, notions that suggest that an ideal, good woman is someone who does whatever she can to make others happy and does what she is told. These are, of course, very traditional ideas that aren’t as popular as they were, say, in the 50’s, but still manage to surface in fiction as an ideal. To me, doormats are the worst of the breed of passive female characters because they are presented as saint-like in their benevolence in a way that just isn’t possible for even the nicest human being to behave and feel all the time. In addition, in stories like Fruits Basket, she even has people who will stand up and protect her when she won’t herself. Like classic stories like Cinderella, somehow or another the girl with the “purest” heart eventually wins via living happily ever after. Thus, when girls read or watch stories with doormat heroines, they’re supposed to admire and long to be like them with the promise of praise, protection, and “happily ever after” floating around in their heads. Sadly, reality isn’t nearly so sweet and letting others do whatever they want while lowering your own desires and feelings can be dangerous, if not simply unhealthy, whether you are male or female (of course, males who are passive are mercilessly considered “weak” while women still get the message that passiveness can be an attractive trait in them).

However, I don’t think doormat female characters are inherently harmful role models, the likes of which should vanish from fiction. Rather, I think how we present these characters in fiction should be altered. Instead of depicting a complete lack of a backbone as something to be admired in a woman, it should be shown as a type of behavior that some people have, with all the trouble it can bring upon those people. If a doormat character is to be admired, it’s not because she’s so nice that she’ll let others walk all over her, but for, perhaps, her struggle to stand up for herself and gain a backbone. A woman can still be nice without being passive and it takes real effort to flex those assertive muscles after being doormat for some time; as a confessed doormat, that’s one of my biggest struggles. In fact, one of my favorite stories, Fuyumi Ono’s The Twelve Kingdoms: Sea of Shadow, largely centers around the internal struggle of Youko, a girl who has spent her life trying to be non-offensive to others, even if it meant ignoring her true thoughts and feelings. (Edit: Even Tohru is revealed to have problems of her own and she is forced to face those problems down the line, something that adds depth to a doormat character that isn’t always depicted.)

So, show me doormat characters, I won’t deny that they exist in reality, but don’t feed misconceptions about what it means to be a doormat. Better yet, give us doormats some extra inspiration by creating more characters who come to recognize the problem with their own behavior and fight it.

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School Girl Crushes: The Message in the Manga

Let’s face it (if you haven’t already); guys can be pretty immature and for a long time (sorry guys!). Girls usually mature faster so, it’s not surprising that some girls can be left feeling the need for more mature guys than those of their age group. However, there’s a big difference between a mature guy and an older man. To a 16-year-old girl, even a four year difference in age may be too much of a gap, especially in respect to dating. There’s a dangerous line.

In today’s society, there’s a bit of a problem concerning the matter. Some young girls seem flattered when approached by older men who certainly know better about what they are doing. When presented in fiction, it gets even harder since it’s often depicted with a certain innocence.  That’s why this trend I’m about to discuss is so tricky; in the following manga, young school girls are in love with men around 10 years older than themselves and these men are truly in love with those younger girls. If one could detach from reality and think only of innocence, the following couples wouldn’t bother me so much. However, because these young-girl-with-a-grown-man couples are so innocent, I worry about the message it sends to young girls.

Take Fruits Basket‘s Kyoko Honda for example. First, let me just say that I love Fruits Basket; it’s cute, but it’s also quite deep

Kyoko and Katsuya (Artwork by Natsuki Takaya)

with well-developed characters and I’d highly recommend it. However, there is something that nags at me slightly whenever I read Fruits Basket. I don’t want to be a stick in the mud, but I felt it was pushing that line of appropriate age difference with Kyoko’s relationship. Kyoko was in middle school when she met her future husband, Katsuya, a 21-year-old teacher at her school. This is tricky because nothing happens between them, but there is a mutual interest that turns into love. The age difference between the girl and man in this couple isn’t seen as “normal” exactly (the age gap is taken seriously), but that gap remains and is a little curious. If you don’t think about it too much, the oddness of these scenarios can easily be ignored (the relationship feels real and full of genuine love), but when you do stop to think, it’s a bit iffy; the fact that Katsuya is a teacher at Kyoko’s school makes it even iffier, especially in times when the boundaries between students and teachers slipping has become a real problem. While Kyoko’s relationship with a teacher turned out beautifully, in reality that is not really what happens.

Kare Kano‘s Maho is a beautiful, mature first-year in high school (which I believe is equivalent to a sophomore in American high schools). At one point, the main heroine of the story, Yukino asks Maho if she’s got a boyfriend. Without batting an eye, Maho replies that yes, she does in fact have a boyfriend, a boyfriend who happens to be a 28-year-old dentist. Just as casually as Maho told her this, Yukino thinks this is amazing. Unlike in Fruits Basket, the characters act if this is perfectly normal if not condone. Granted, I’m only part way through the anime series so maybe this issue will be addressed down the line, but I have my doubts.

The teacher and the 10-year-old (Artwork by Clamp)

Cardcaptor Sakura presents the most disturbing scenario. Cardcaptor Sakura is a children’s manga revolving around 4th grader Sakura and her friends and family. Among those friends is Rika, the mature (10-year-old) girl of the group who has a secret crush. And that crush is (drumroll please)…her teacher, Tereda!  It’s a manga all about love in the purest form (between family, friends, and also boyfriends and girlfriends) so, it’s been said that perhaps one shouldn’t take this scenario too seriously, but it’s just hard not to be creeped out by it. While there are some different relationships in Cardcaptor Sakura (including another student-(assistant) teacher relationship), this one definitely crosses the boundary. Although I don’t know exactly how old Tereda is supposed to be, any adult interested in a pre-pubescent kid is just plain creepy (even though, again, it’s presented with child-like innocence). The “couple” is even engaged to be married once little Rika-chan is older. This relationship is a secret between just the two of them that not even Rika’s friends know about. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t manage to brush it under the rug in the back of my brain where all the other things that shouldn’t exist go (see my last post on Mulan II). Believe me, I tried.

As I said, I think the thing that bothers me about all of these scenarios is that they are all presented as innocent and/or as normal. Not to say that I want to see a realistic portrayal of that scenario, but these relationships are so nice people could perhaps get the wrong message from them. They could even be seen as desirable or normal…unless you really think about it in terms of reality. Cardcaptor Sakura particularly bothers me for that reason since it is a manga younger kids can read and may not think about it as much.

On a last note, this isn’t meant to turn people off any of these manga; in fact, I like all three of them generally. Also, if any of you who are reading this aren’t very familiar with manga, it should be noted that while these scenarios do happen sometimes in manga, this isn’t what manga is all about (and I don’t think this trend is limited to manga either). It’s just something that I feel needs to be addressed and given some thought to.

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