I have a confession to make: I can be a bit of a doormat, a people pleaser, a pushover. In the effort to make others happy and/or lacking the backbone to speak my mind, I have a habit of letting others run right over my true wishes and thoughts without so much as a peep of objection. When people ask me, “What do you want to do,” even if I have a preference (which sometimes I just don’t), I smile politely and say, “Oh, whatever you want to do is fine with me.” Or worse, someone will ask me if I’ll do something and, while in my mind, I’m screaming my loathing of the idea, my feeble subconscious automatically moves my lips in the pattern its grown accustomed to and, before I have time to rally my thoughts, its formed the detested words, “Yes.” And with a smile plastered on my face, of course.
So, how is a feminist who’s a confessed doormat like myself supposed to feel when I see a classic doormat female character letting herself be dragged through the course of a story? To be honest, I have mixed feelings. Like everyone else, I like to see characters who I can relate to, even if that means they are not go-get-’em girls who have a healthy amount of backbone at the beginning of the story. While I admire and praise the female characters who get out there and take action, whether that action is starting her own business or taking back a kingdom, I often see more of myself reflected in those female characters who are too nice for their own good and who seem to be waiting for others to make something happen. That has made me hesitate to take the pen against certain characters despite seeing the problems with the messages those characters send.
Of course, just because a female character is passive doesn’t mean I automatically feel something like kinship to her; passive female characters pop up in fiction a fair amount, from classic princesses from fairy tales to modern action flicks and it’s something that I’ve complained about over and over and over and over and over—well, you get the point. But there are times when they strike a cord within me. For example, one famous character who I have a bit of a soft spot for, but who also has some very reasonable complaints lodged against her because of her doormat behavior is Tohru from Fruits Basket. Tohru is a classic doormat at the beginning of the series; always smiling and putting others before her, she is sweet to a fault and will do whatever others ask of her. She’d let herself be tricked and treated poorly if that somehow helps the other person or because she feels she must have deserved that treatment and she apologizes even when she’s done nothing wrong. As unrealistic as that sounds, there is a degree of her character that rings true to me, especially as the series goes on.
The problem lays in the fact that these types of passive heroines reinforce old notions about gender roles and relationships that just aren’t healthy, notions that suggest that an ideal, good woman is someone who does whatever she can to make others happy and does what she is told. These are, of course, very traditional ideas that aren’t as popular as they were, say, in the 50’s, but still manage to surface in fiction as an ideal. To me, doormats are the worst of the breed of passive female characters because they are presented as saint-like in their benevolence in a way that just isn’t possible for even the nicest human being to behave and feel all the time. In addition, in stories like Fruits Basket, she even has people who will stand up and protect her when she won’t herself. Like classic stories like Cinderella, somehow or another the girl with the “purest” heart eventually wins via living happily ever after. Thus, when girls read or watch stories with doormat heroines, they’re supposed to admire and long to be like them with the promise of praise, protection, and “happily ever after” floating around in their heads. Sadly, reality isn’t nearly so sweet and letting others do whatever they want while lowering your own desires and feelings can be dangerous, if not simply unhealthy, whether you are male or female (of course, males who are passive are mercilessly considered “weak” while women still get the message that passiveness can be an attractive trait in them).
However, I don’t think doormat female characters are inherently harmful role models, the likes of which should vanish from fiction. Rather, I think how we present these characters in fiction should be altered. Instead of depicting a complete lack of a backbone as something to be admired in a woman, it should be shown as a type of behavior that some people have, with all the trouble it can bring upon those people. If a doormat character is to be admired, it’s not because she’s so nice that she’ll let others walk all over her, but for, perhaps, her struggle to stand up for herself and gain a backbone. A woman can still be nice without being passive and it takes real effort to flex those assertive muscles after being doormat for some time; as a confessed doormat, that’s one of my biggest struggles. In fact, one of my favorite stories, Fuyumi Ono’s The Twelve Kingdoms: Sea of Shadow, largely centers around the internal struggle of Youko, a girl who has spent her life trying to be non-offensive to others, even if it meant ignoring her true thoughts and feelings. (Edit: Even Tohru is revealed to have problems of her own and she is forced to face those problems down the line, something that adds depth to a doormat character that isn’t always depicted.)
So, show me doormat characters, I won’t deny that they exist in reality, but don’t feed misconceptions about what it means to be a doormat. Better yet, give us doormats some extra inspiration by creating more characters who come to recognize the problem with their own behavior and fight it.
I do like Fruits Basket, but that doesn’t stop me wishing that Tohru would grow a spine and whack the idiotic Sohmas occasionally.
Yeah, it’s hard because I do like Tohru, but she’s just too nice! She does get better as the series goes on though.
I admire Tohru kindness, but I get your point. But, she starting to change at the end of manga (correct me if I’m wrong).
I do think she gets a little better as the series goes on since Tohru does have some assertive moments then. I’d like to revisit Fruits Basket at some point and write a more in-depth post on her character.
Granted, Tohru’s self sacrificing attitude is more than a little disconcerting at the beginning of the manga and throughout the anime. Momiji’s story in volume 5 in hindsight is a pretty cringe-inducing example of this. However (and this is just personal opinion here), as the manga goes on, Tohru begins to feel like a bit of a deconstruction of the archtypal passive heroine. Oh, this wonderful girl pays no heed to her own needs and plays the mother hen to everyone else? Guess what, other leads, she’s actually a fellow human being who has a boatload of her own problems that someone should talk to her about!
I guess you could say that for me, her giving and passive attitude was approached with enough pros and cons that it didn’t sour my take on her too much. It also helps that she actively searches for a way to break the Sohma family’s curse later in the series.
That’s a good point about how the other characters are made aware that Tohru isn’t a person without problems, either. It does add a level of depth to her character beyond the saint-like appearance. You’ve reminded me that Tohru does get better as the series goes on; although I still felt like she embodies some of the old doormat misconceptions later on as well, it’s really at the beginning of the series that she truly embodies those issues I discussed. Thanks for the refresher!
The difference between you and perhaps me at some degree and the fictional doormats is that we do have interests and it’s not that being a bit passive is all that we do. Also, we might feel akward to say no, but it’s not sth we like about us. We are self-aware and try to improve. Youko is a great example with which I could relate and was really happy to see her evolve.
Yes, I agree that that is the big difference between real people with doormat behavior and fictional ones. It takes away that element of realism when doormat characters act as they do without so much as a hint of what’s going on in their heads.
(First time commenting here)
You can disagree with me(and something tells me you will),but I think,that our media(and society too, I guess) goes to extremes i.e. you are not allowed to be both kind and strong(figuratively) you have to choose(so to speak) between kind and strong,emotional and stoic etc.
Look at Korra from Legend of Korra,I think she is capable of showing kindness,but she is also strong(figuratively and literary).She isn’t just kind or just strong she is both(well,I think).
And like mentioned above there is difference between breathing object with no backbone and simply kind person,who doesn’t express his/her thoughts.
Thanks for commenting! I actually think that it is the case that the media does present many characters like that. Traditionally, kindness was female characters’ main trait and strength was male characters’ main one. However, I feel like I’m seeing more characters with a balance of both, like Korra. It’s a refreshing change considering that people always have a mix of traits and strengths.
Which reminds me, are you going to do a piece about Korra one day?
Yes, I’d like to rewatch the first season and write a post focused entirely on Korra’s character. In case you didn’t see it, I did a post on the first season of The Legend of Korra, but that’s more of my overall thoughts on it rather than a character analysis.
To a certain degree I have been a bit passive in the past on certain things in my life, but I think as I got older, I have learned to try to assert myself more. Ultimately, I do find the passive female characters in manga to be very frustrating. I rather they be able to stand up for themselves than let people walk all over them. I admire and appreciate reading female characters who are strong, independent, and aren’t willing to let anyone take advantage of them. It’s something I try to live by in my own daily life.
Anyway, I did want to say that I’ve nominated you for a blog award! Keep on writing. 🙂
Thank you so much (as always) for the nomination! It’s nice to have the extra boost. 🙂
As for passive female characters vs. assertive ones, I understand very well what you mean. Honestly, it takes much more strength to be assertive than to just let others walk all over you so, what’s to admire in the case of the latter? And as you said, it can be frustrating to read about/watch passive female characters, especially when that behavior is presented as ideal or attractive. I find it more interesting and admirable to see characters try to make the transition from passive to assertive.
After reading this post and the comments to it all I have left is one question: Have you seen the anime Kotoura-san? If you have not I would recommend it just for the way the main female character Kotoura is handled. From what I got from this post she qualifies as an interesting take on the passive female character even if some of the jokes in the show are cringe worthy instead of laugh worthy.
“Rather, I think how we depict these characters in fiction should be altered. Instead of depicting a complete lack of a backbone as something to be admired in a woman, it should be shown as a type of behavior that some people have, with all the trouble it can bring upon those people.”
This is a great point. My biggest problem with Fruits Basket wasn’t merely Tohru’s passivity but rather that her passivity is treated as an admirable quality. And although I understand why people wish there were stronger female characters depicted in media, in truth, what’s most important is that there is a range of female characters, not just strong or weak, so that real-life girls can choose who to identify with. And passive female characters can be well-written, particularly Sawako from Kimi ni Todoke.
I agree. Certain character types are bothersome more so because of the way they are presented, such as the passive trait in girls being presented as ideal. And as you said, presenting only a limited type of characters, even if that character is strong, isn’t good either; just depicting strong characters with all their problems already sorted out doesn’t show readers that people have to work hard to get to that point nor the range of people that can be considered strong. On that topic, I’ve been wanting to check out Kimi ni Todoke for some time now and after hearing your description of Sawako, I think I’ll get started!
I’ve got no problems with passive heroines who grow up and mature like Yoko. In fact, Yoko is one of my all time favourite heroines. I love her and find her really inspiring because it took a lot maturing for her to come out and become a stronger person. Not as well done, but still slowly going down the same route is Natsu from 7 SEEDS and I really like her too.
I do admit that I have an easier time identifying with the loud mouth opinionated heroines because I’m like that myself. ^^;; To me, it was a struggle learning to put myself second as I tended to be very self-centred and assertive kid. And honestly that’s what I really want to see in the end. Whether it be an assertive girl learning to mature or a shy quiet girl learning to express herself; I just want to see female characters that are more than just flat archetypes and who struggle and improve by themselves (rather than get it handed to them via other characters).
Reblogged this on ☆ 美樹 ♪(´ε` ) ★.
Thank you so much for the reblog!
aww, its no problem and you’re welcome!~
You’re welcome!
[…] linked with Nucky’s life it is, b) she develops as a character and it becomes clear that her passivity and niceness are just one of many traits that make her up and she begins to stick up for herself once she’s developed that confidence, and c) the narrative […]
[…] This list is a good starting point. It describes the qualities that any good female character ought to be imbued with. The same writer also advocates for the place of passive female characters; another aspect that is often inaccurately portrayed, or produces negative effects. […]